The second team to be eliminated from the 2009 playoffs is Boston. I'm sorry, Steve (and Carlos), but this delights me to no end. Did you see the faces of the Rat Sox fans? I've never seen such grim visages in my life! Everyone in the stands was completely focused on each pitch, as though life itself depended on it. When the Rat Sox took a 6-4 lead into the top of the ninth inning, there were scattered (but nervous) smiles. The Rat Sox would live to play another day. With Jonathan Papelbon on the mound, it was a moral certainty. But Papelbon blew the save. The Los Angeles Angels of one of the Los Angeles suburbs scored three runs to take the lead, 7-6.
Remember the gray-haired man I mentioned some time back—the man who leaves with two outs, no matter what the situation? He left when the Rat Sox were ahead, 6-4 (or perhaps by then it was 6-5). I couldn't believe it. Why would he attend a game, only to leave when the game is on the line? He must be phobic about crowds or traffic. But he was gone. Someone took his seat. When the Rat Sox came to bat in the bottom of the ninth, the man was back. What? Where did he go? How far had he gotten when he realized that there would be a bottom of the ninth inning?
Perhaps he went to the concourse level to watch the final out on television. This would allow him to get out of the ballpark first if the final out were recorded, but to come back if something happened. Anyway, he was back, and he was grim-faced. In fact, he looked positively peeved, as though his favorite toy had been taken from him. The Angels' relief pitcher, Brian Fuentes, got the first hitter out. Then he got the second hitter out. The Rat Sox were down to their final out. The 2008 Most Valuable Player, Dustin Pedroia, stepped to the plate. A home run would tie the game.
You guessed it. The gray-haired man was gone. The moron left the ballpark with the game on the line! How's that for faith in your team? How's that for loving the game? Why does this man even bother to go to the ballpark if he won't stay when the game reaches its most critical point? He must be pathologically averse to crowds or traffic, or else he's too good to stand in line with ordinary people. (How much do you want to bet that he's affiliated with Harvard University?) The good news, for him, is that he won't have to fight Fenway Park crowds or traffic until April. I hope he gets help for his phobia. Indeed, I expect Boston-area psychiatrists to be very busy starting tomorrow.
Keith Burgess-Jackson, J.D., Ph.D. 