Keith Burgess-Jackson, J.D., Ph.D.

Student protesters in San Francisco have taken over a campus building. They are demanding lower tuition, forgiveness of student loans, and, oh yes, while they're at it, an end to the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Why stop there? Why not demand (1) a lifetime supply of M&Ms, (2) free music via the Internet (oh wait; they already have that), and (3) peace, love, and joy for everyone, everywhere, always, with no responsibility, no work, no pain, and, most importantly, no death. Yes, you heard that right. We demand immortality! We want to live forever, and always be happy, and never have to work! If we don't get it, we're staying in this building!