Keith Burgess-Jackson, J.D., Ph.D.

To the Editor:

These days, we all are besieged by invitations
by e-mail for events related to, say, organizations the hosts are
fund-raising for, self-promotional events, like a showing of their
latest handiwork, or birthday parties for their 200 “closest friends.”

In
the old days, people knew who their friends were—for starters, they
were the ones who spelled your name right—and if it was important for a
host to have a particular friend at an occasion, he or she would convey
this with a phone call or other personal gesture. With the Internet,
it’s far too easy to blur the distinction between friend and
acquaintance and treat people as if they are “subscribers” to our lives,
and not real flesh and blood with whom we feel a bond.

Real
friends rarely ignore an R.S.V.P. If they do, it’s a clear message to
the host that it’s time to check up on the friend’s well-being or else
re-evaluate the friendship.

Catherine Armsden
San Francisco, March 15, 2010