To the Editor:
“Students, Welcome to College; Parents, Go Home” (front page, Aug. 23) pulls at the heartstrings of every parent with a teenager on the brink of college.
In my opinion, saying goodbye to your child is a long series of
successes or failures, from the first sleepover at a friend’s house to
the moment you find yourself standing next to an altar with your child’s
chosen partner.
In taking leave, parents must learn what works and what doesn’t, and
reflect on both. Then change your approach and your words. Learn when to
hold your child and when to let him fly solo. Too soon, he will be an
adult with children of his own. You want him to be secure, confident and
independent.
Then, when it comes to the final goodbye, it can be said with the smile of no regrets.
Eva Scharfstein
Pawleys Island, S.C., Aug. 23, 2010
To the Editor:
Today’s parents, often called helicopter parents, are depriving their
new college students of opportunities to grow up by failing and
recovering, by learning to fend for themselves, by being honored for
becoming independent.
“Just in case” implies that “You, my kid, still need me around; you’re not capable or old enough without me.”
Leave your sons and daughters alone on campus. Do not write their papers
for them, and do not do their laundry. And do not go on job interviews
with them.
Teach them about personal boundaries, how to budget their time and
money, how to ask for what they need from the new people they meet, and
how to be a good friend.
Enjoy watching your children transform into responsible adults you can communicate with easily and of whom you can be proud.
Alice Aspen March
New York, Aug. 23, 2010
Keith Burgess-Jackson, J.D., Ph.D. 