Friends and lovers are not concerned with what can be made out of each other, but only with the enjoyment of one another. A friend is not somebody one trusts to behave in a certain manner, who has certain useful qualities, who holds acceptable opinions; he is somebody who evokes interest, delight, unreasoning loyalty, and who (almost) engages contemplative imagination. The relationship of friends is dramatic, not utilitarian.
(Michael Oakeshott, "The Voice of Poetry in the Conversation of Mankind," in Rationalism in Politics and Other Essays, new and expanded ed. [Indianapolis: Liberty Fund, 1991], 488-541, at 537 [essay first published in 1959])
Note from KBJ: I prefer my late friend Don's definition of "friend": "A friend is someone you know real well, but like anyway." To which I always added: "A good friend is someone you know real well and don't particularly like, but hang around with anyway."
Note 2 from KBJ: I like Oakeshott's mention of "acceptable opinions." I found out who my friends really are when I became a conservative in 2003. Ask yourself, of each friend you have, whether he or she would remain your friend if you changed your moral, political, or religious opinions.
