As a service to those of you (such as William Kristol, George Will, Charles Krauthammer, Stephen Hayes, and Jonah Goldberg) who have been vilifying Donald Trump for several months, but are going to come around to him this summer, let me help you explain your apostasy. Choose whichever explanation seems most appropriate and least humiliating:
- His hair made me temporarily insane.
- When Trump said he was going to build a wall between the United States and Mexico, I thought he said he was going to kill a squaw between the United States and Mexico.
- I didn't realize that all the other candidates were total losers.
- I thought Trump would lose to Hillary Clinton, but now I realize that he will demolish her.
- Ted Cruz scares the bejesus out of me with his Bible thumping, his plan to abolish the IRS (how's that for slow and incremental change?), and his greasy, spotty hair.
- When Trump said we should have a moratorium on Muslim immigration, I thought he said we should build a gymnasium for muscle stimulation.
- I didn't think a middle-aged man could look so good in a baseball cap.
- I now realize that Trump has better taste in women (not to mention far more success with them) than I do.
- When Trump said he favors waterboarding, I thought he was talking about wakeboarding.
- I now realize that Trump is five steps ahead of everyone else, including me. It's time we had an intelligent president.
Get right with Donald.
